Review of Avatar: The Way of Water (2022) by Piglordofallham — 04 Jan 2023

13 years? The writers must have spent all their time shoving bananas in each others **** as opposed to actually writing a decent script that didn't have some sort of contrivance or invented conflict every twenty minutes. Listen, why are all you important plot characters in a sequence that will incite an action scene or create some sort of drama or invite some kind of conflict every chance you get? Why won't you just listen to the other main characters? Oh right, because this is a self-indulgent pet project born out of James Cameron's enormous ego and insipid usage of the exact same plot mechanics in every film he's ever made. The narrative being a completely unintelligible mess is I suppose also the best Cameron can do with all the money and computer graphics in the world. So much for that then.

What troubles me about Avatar 2, is that this is where large productions are going. These goofy stupid cartoon characters jumping around with explosions with no real emotional core or elements that make them relatable in any way. Its the equivalent of Wily coyote catching the roadrunnner, but all of a sudden the roadrunner pulls out a photo of his roadrunner wife, his roadrunner kids, his roadrunner investment portfolio, retirement plan and his 401k. As if we as the audience are supposed to suddenly sympathize with this caricature of a bird that happens to run too fast for its intended predator- which is the whole joke by the way. Here, the joke is the scenes where the writers have written themselves into a corner and have no idea how to create real, moving, raw emotion with their dumb looking 12 feet tall blue cat people that chatter, hoot, holler and screech like a pack of very social Bonobo monkeys. They also stick their tongues out, which I found hilariously insulting to actual indigenous people. It was like watching Disney's Pocahontas, in fact the Water chief guy kind of looked like Pocahontas's DAD to be honest. I certainly laughed and threw my arms up a lot while watching this. Its whiny, its preachy, its all recycled crap from the first movie. Everyone strangely disappears during the final fight for some reason, then all of the characters that we have had barely any time to actually get to know have a big group hug and solve all their problems. Wow. Amazing. No kissing? No embracing? No romance? Just the equivalent of pre-teens giving one another googily eyes from across the room? Are you kidding me with this Barny the magic dinosaur garbage they are presenting as some sort of action packed romp that will change your life baloney? This should've been called, Avatar 2, The way we got their wallets again.