Review of Conan the Destroyer (1984) by Kai82 — 24 Jan 2021

Not an intellectual movie but also an entertaining and fun one. I view it as guilty pleasure and praise the awesome cast, humor and fantasy story. While I am at it I think the plot and characters can also be adapted for an awesome D&D adventure session.

Lets start with a short overview: Conan is based on tales from Robert Ervin Howard starting in 1932. He is one of the fathers of the “Low Fantasy” genre or a least a really well know contributor. Low Fantasy is a setting that is our world with some magic, mythical or supernatural elements but more dark and grim as it hides not the dark sides of human nature (Like the Witcher for example).

The prequel Conan the Barbarian was quite successful and made Arnold Schwarzenegger a household name. So a sequel was granted. The story starts when Conan and his companion the thief Malak are cornered by a group of soldiers after a quite successful robbery.

After they (which means mostly Conan) defeated a lot of soldiers in a fierce battle Queen Taramis stops the fighting. She wanted to test Conans abilities against her guards and has a quest for him. He reluctantly agrees after he is promised something that is his ultimate goal.

He searches the help of a friend the mage Akiro and Zula a female bandit warrior he saved earlier on joined the quest too. Here starts the actual story. It it is entertaining and fun. They toned down the blood, nudity and gore but increased the humor and have some good ideas.

Like I mentioned for the prequel you get what you expect. An enjoyable fantasy adventure. If you wanted and intellectual Shakespearean experience you are in the wrong movie and should not even complain.

There are a lot of memorable scenes like the mirror scene, the battle of (mage) wits and the climax. Lets go to the cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger is perfect for the role as Conan. He has the looks to be the stoic hero and archetype of barbarian.

Then we have Wilt Chamberlain as Bombaata. Today he is a bit forgotten but he was probably the best NBA player of all times. He made a season with an average slightly above 50 points per game and in total over 4000 points (For comparison: Only Michael Jordan came above 3000 points per season).

He is intimidating and makes even Conan look a bit inferior. He delivers for a non actor. Lets continue with singer, songwriter and actress Grace Jones as Zula. She fully delivers and was even nominated for a Saturn Award.

Malak is played by Tracy Walter. He is for the comic relief / humor and works well. He has quite a great career and is also a good comedian. With Makoto Iwamatsu better known as Mako as Akiro we have another favorite.

He is just awesome and had a legendary career. You might recognize him as Iroh from Avatar the last Airbender. Olivia d’Abo as princess Jehnna performance is often lampooned. I say she delivered the trope she was cast for as naive and quin-toxic princess.

Together they are a great cast and I enjoyed them. The action scenes and battles work well. They are less bloody but well choreographed for this kind of movie. The special effects however are mixed. The practical effects still deliver but there are missteps especially around the climax.

The soundtrack by Basil Poledouris is great again. As in the sequel he delivers an awesome performance that did not get the recognition he deserved. Like Ennio Morricone he tells or enhances scenes with his score.

Overall this is a great enjoyable movie to watch. It will not challenge you intellectually but that does not mean it is entertaining.