Review of Eight Legged Freaks (2002) by Jesse O — 22 Jan 2019

So, once again, for a couple of days (until Monday, theoretically), I am writing these reviews on the Notepad because I exhausted all of my mobile hotspot options. The appointment to fix the WiFi was moved to Monday for reasons that I do not wish to get into.

Nothing bad, I just don't wish to get into them or else I'll get pissed off. Funny thing, I started watching this movie yesterday on an alternate hotspot, the hotspot ran out of data slightly less than halfway through the movie.

I found another mobile hotspot that I had forgotten about, a free (and cheaply made) smartphone. It actually allowed me to finish the movie no problem. I even got the quality up to 720p, which I was not able to do with any of the other hotspots.

Or at least be able to do it on a consistent basis like I did with the free phone. I finish the movie, I play Spider-Man on the PS4 (a fucking great game, though I'm near the end and some of the city activities are starting to annoy me) and it just gives up and dies.

Leave the memories alone, don't change a thing and I'll hold you here in my memory. All jokes aside, shall we move on to this movie? Honestly, I didn't know what to expect from this movie.

Much like a lot of movies from this era, I remember seeing parts of it, but never all at once in one sitting. I remember, back in the day, that used to be a running inside joke for Clerks for me. I always caught bits and pieces of it and never the full thing from beginning to end.

Though, to be fair, with Clerks, you can watch bits and pieces of it without any real context, since that film is kind of a bunch of skits thrown together. Not saying that it wasn't great, of course, but Clerks doesn't really have any sort of narrative structure and that's part of its charm.

Regardless, I don't know, I never felt like I had to watch this movie. And I imagined, having seen Big Ass Spider! (a really fun movie) some years ago, that I didn't really NEED to watch this, since it probably wouldn't compare to the aforementioned flick.

And this movie didn't seem to have the best reputation. As much as one tries to avoid it, sometimes you're influenced by a film's reception in subconscious ways. That's why, I'm glad to say, that this movie really was quite the pleasant surprise.

I'm not gonna say it's quite on Big Ass Spider's level, but I legitimately had fun watching this movie. More than anyone could have reasonably expect. Of course, this isn't the second coming of Apocalypse Now.

This was never meant to be a masterpiece or to, really, be taken all that seriously. Sometimes I think people take films TOO seriously and they expect unreasonable things. Not saying that the more mixed reaction is people taking the film too seriously, but you can't deny that there had to, at least, be SOME of that.

This clearly wears its 50s sci-fi films on its sleeves and it pays tribute to those because it understands, at its core, what made those movies great B-level entertainment and it tries to replicate that in a, at the time, more modern setting with more modern again, at the time, special effects.

And the fact of the matter is that, if you really think about it, the special effects and CG not having aged all that well actually ends up helping this movie. It adds to the camp factor that this film tries to specialize in.

In all seriousness though, I just think the movie's pacing is probably one of its best parts, at least in my opinion. It flies by and, in my case, it left me wanting more. A sequel, which was being talked about in 2003, is unlikely now given the fact that, if you were to use the same characters, Scarlett Johansson is a major star and she wasn't at the time of this film's release.

She'll probably command a lot of money and, honestly, I don't think the movie made enough money to justify a sequel, even if it's probably done better on DVD. Neither here nor there, I suppose.

The movie isn't as funny as Big Ass Spider but, really, it doesn't need to be. I think that the casting of the movie is really solid and they're all game for the silliness this film displays.

I think people overlook that point, the cast needs to be in on the joke and they need to treat it like it's deadly serious or else it doesn't work. If anyone acts like they're above the whoe thing, then the movie just falls apart.

I think, in this case, the case definitely is in on it and they deliver the goods. I don't know, the film's whole atmosphere screams fun. It's not the type of fun that everyone is gonna get into, quite clearly, but I enjoyed myself tremendously.

I don't know if I'd say it's a truly good movie, like I felt that Big Ass Spider was, but it gets the whole three stars in my opinion. The movie delivers on what it promised and that was a good time while paying homage to the films that inspired it.

I think this delivered on that regard, so in my opinion, I can't really give it less than three stars. Then again, there's plenty of movies that have delivered on what they promise and I still dislike them.

The obvious difference here is, of course, that I actually enjoyed this movie. I do not know if I would give this a recommendation, since it's not gonna be everyone's cup of coffee. I mean, I would recommend it if you know what you're walking into.

This is a B-movie through and through. It knows what it is and it doesn't pretend to be anything more than that. It also helps to turn your brain off. Fun movie and one that I, honestly, regret passing on for as long as I did.