Review of Hail, Caesar! (2016) by Paul A — 23 Feb 2018

Hail Cesar is a comedy. I know this because if I go to Wikipedia, it tells me it's a comedy. That is however the only way you know it's a comedy, as it isn't really apparent when you watch the film. There was, as far as I remember, only one joke. During a conversation at a party one character says to another "We're not talking about money, were talking about economy".

So apart from being a comedy with no comedy, what is the rest of the film about? Well, it centre's around the story of Eddie Mannix, who is employed by the studio to sort out problems created by their film stars. In particular, the problems that arise when their number one star Baird Whitlock (played by George Clooney) goes missing off set during production of the studio's latest blockbuster, as he has been kidnapped.

Well, I say kidnapped, he gets taken to a house where there is a party, and decides to stay for a bit. Not really a kidnapping if you ask me, but then it is a comedy with no jokes, so why not set the plot around a kidnapping which doesn't really seem to be much of a kidnapping "In for a penny in for a pound" as they say.

Whilst trying to find out what has happened to his biggest star Mannix also has to try and deal with Hobie Doyle, a much younger, and very good looking star, who the studio have forced into a film to which he is wholly unsuited, in order to broaden his appeal. This is hampered in no small way by the fact that Hobie seems to be lacking in IQ to such an extent that if he were playing a Labrador at scrabble you'd put your money on the Labrador.

Then there is also a subplot revolving around DeeAnna Moran (played by Scarlett Johansen) which serves absolutely no purpose what so ever within the narrative of the film and is entirely superfluous. I can only assume that this subplot was inserted for one of two reasons; a) the film needed some female characters to avoid being accused of being sexist, or b) the Coen brothers fancy the arse off Scarlett Johansson and decided to crowbar her part into the film just so they could spend a few weeks on set with her.

At the end of the film a submarine arrives and whatever was planned to happen doesn't happen (I'd lost interest by then and wasn't really paying attention) and so as its all gone wrong, the submarine sails away, George Clooney goes back the studio to finish the film and everything goes back to normal.

The whole thing is a pretty much a pointless waste of time.

The Coen Brothers also wrote The Big Lebowski, which we are constantly told is a comedy classic. In fact it's just a man in a dressing gown walking around for two hours drinking White Russians. I suppose then if you like The Big Lebowski, a comedy film with no plot and no jokes, you might also like Hail Caesar, a film with hardly any plot, one joke, and in which almost nothing happens.

If however like me, you don't like The Big Lebowski, then you probably won't like this either. Go cut your toe nails or repaint the toilet instead.Hail Cesar is a comedy. I know this because if I go to Wikipedia, it tells me it's a comedy. That is however the only way you know it's a comedy, as it isn't really apparent when you watch the film. There was, as far as I remember, only one joke. During a conversation at a party one character says to another "We're not talking about money, were talking about economy".

So apart from being a comedy with no comedy, what is the rest of the film about? Well, it centre's around the story of Eddie Mannix, who is employed by the studio to sort out problems created by their film stars. In particular, the problems that arise when their number one star Baird Whitlock (played by George Clooney) goes missing off set during production of the studio's latest blockbuster, as he has been kidnapped.

Well, I say kidnapped, he gets taken to a house where there is a party, and decides to stay for a bit. Not really a kidnapping if you ask me, but then it is a comedy with no jokes, so why not set the plot around a kidnapping which doesn't really seem to be much of a kidnapping "In for a penny in for a pound" as they say.

Whilst trying to find out what has happened to his biggest star Mannix also has to try and deal with Hobie Doyle, a much younger, and very good looking star, who the studio have forced into a film to which he is wholly unsuited, in order to broaden his appeal. This is hampered in no small way by the fact that Hobie seems to be lacking in IQ to such an extent that if he were playing a Labrador at scrabble you'd put your money on the Labrador.

Then there is also a subplot revolving around DeeAnna Moran (played by Scarlett Johansen) which serves absolutely no purpose what so ever within the narrative of the film and is entirely superfluous. I can only assume that this subplot was inserted for one of two reasons; a) the film needed some female characters to avoid being accused of being sexist, or b) the Coen brothers fancy the arse off Scarlett Johansson and decided to crowbar her part into the film just so they could spend a few weeks on set with her.

At the end of the film a submarine arrives and whatever was planned to happen doesn't happen (I'd lost interest by then and wasn't really paying attention) and so as its all gone wrong, the submarine sails away, George Clooney goes back the studio to finish the film and everything goes back to normal.

The whole thing is a pretty much a pointless waste of time.

The Coen Brothers also wrote The Big Lebowski, which we are constantly told is a comedy classic. In fact it's just a man in a dressing gown walking around for two hours drinking White Russians. I suppose then if you like The Big Lebowski, a comedy film with no plot and no jokes, you might also like Hail Caesar, a film with hardly any plot, one joke, and in which almost nothing happens.

If however like me, you don't like The Big Lebowski, then you probably won't like this either. Go cut your toe nails or repaint the toilet instead.