Review of Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023) by Windolicker — 14 Jul 2023

IMDB declined this review; like they decline most of my reviews:

This film is an abomination. Truly. It is the same tired trope that Disney Lucasfilm simply, like an addict, cannot stop using. Ah yes, the female "girl boss"; who actually is the protagonist, who really is fundamentally unlikeable, who does everything as well as or better than Indy, and adds next to nothing to the film. She insults Indy and I couldn't help but think her insults were actually Kathleen Kennedy's actual opinions. She is a carbon copy of Indiana Jones but instead of being charming, she is ugly both inside and out.

Indy, of course, is a sad, tired, and washed up shadow of his former self. He has lost everything that was once important to him. Kind of like Luke Skywalker, kind of like Han Solo, kind of like Boba Fett, kind of like Obi-Wan Kenobi, kind of like the dead Madmartigan from Willow. The only Disney Lucasfilm characters that broke that mold were from Andor & Mandalorian.....which of course are Disney Lucasfilm's only good shows. Mandalorian has been ruined in its third season due to the resurgence of the same girl boss pattern. Disney Lucasfilm hates its male heroes and guess what? The audience is absolutely sick of it. This film is bombing at the box office because it offers the same old woke tropes and it also is just an incoherent mess. I thought that all of the hate was probably just exaggeration. Nope. It is justified. I felt like walking away from this film after an hour. It's hard to sit through.

The characters are universally terrible. The CIA woman is so badly miscast. The henchmen end up killing professors for no reason so I guess they are just cartoonishly evil? The chase scenes are boring because I don't even care about the characters. Ah, who am I kidding.... I am not going to go through all of the problems this movie has because I would be here all day. It is the shining gem of Hollywood's disfunction. What an absolute disaster of a film. 2/10 Only out of respect for Harrison Ford and John Williams.