Review of Jungle Cruise (2021) by Elthor — 01 Aug 2021

I watched this movie, not by choice, with very low expectations because of other reviews. I found it to be far far worse.

The cast, the only highlight, managed the best they could with the a poor script and terrible direction from Jaume Collet-Serra. I suppose Disney spent all of its budget on cast and CG with nothing left for an experienced director of effects heavy summer blockbusters. Warner Bros. needs to rethink 'Black Adam' in a hurry.

The characters are uniformly unlikable for the first third of the film and weirdly inconsistent in motivations throughout.

The story is okay, but predictable. You'll probably see a lot of things coming ahead of time. Generally, the movie seems scripted for kids, but scary moments and some extreme violence are definitely meant for adults.

Action scenes, the main reason people will watch this movie, are badly edited. The beginning or end of some action beats are over-trimmed or from poor camera angles. They leave you scratching your head over what just happened. Considering the rest of the film, it's quite possible the director failed to shoot enough coverage for which the editor to work.

The soundtrack is awful and frequently as inappropriate as the score to 'Ladyhawke'.

Effects and CGI work are a mixed bag. Some is so good, you won't even notice it. Some is a rip-off of "Dead Man's Chest" and will take you out of the moment when you realize it. The worst is the CG animals, which are shockingly poor and look like they came from a 10 year old video game.

Ridiculously jarring is the modern idioms. They are out of place in 1916 and even further out of place in the Amazon basin of 1916.

I won't mention the stuffed in modern politics that don't serve any purpose to the plot or story, but it's 2020's Disney, so you probably already expect it.

Of course there are the 'Jungle Cruise' style jokes. Did I say style? Nope, many of the jokes are ripped right from the ride. So, if they were groaners before, they're painful now.

Finally, many better movies were shamelessly ripped off. "African Queen", which the Disneyland ride was based on, makes up a big chunk of the style and period. The beginning is largely "Atlantis the Lost Empire". Brendan Fraser's "Mummy" is robbed for theming, characters and a ladder gag. Sean Connery's "Medicine Man" is plundered for specifics of the Amazon and plot MacGuffin. Some backstory is taken from "Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl", with monster design ripped straight from "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest". Gags were stolen from "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" and "Despicable Me". Also copied is a tree from "Avatar". There is nothing original. I recommend watching any or all of those movies instead.

There was a time Disney would have hit this out of the park (pardon the pun). Disney is no longer that studio. There is little good or entertaining.

Do not waste your time. Do not waste your money.