Review of Mars Attacks! (1996) by Jeff B — 23 May 2011

Mars Attacks! is about martians attacking Earth. That was simple enough.

Mars Attacks! is a film by Tim Burton that's based on a cult trading card series. I know what you're thinking, a trading card game turned into a film? Well, Jerry Bruckheimer turned a Disney Pirates of the Caribbean ride into a well thriving franchise, so you shouldn't judge the film based upon what it's adapted from. Sadly, this film is nowhere near as good as Pirates.

The film is too long, and to accommodate this, a number of the films scenes run on for too long. The biggest example is when Martin Short's character is trying to seduce the martian that's disguised as a prostitute (no spoiler here, it's obvious from how ridiculous she looks that she is a martian. In fact, she's the main woman in the poster here on RT). You know the disguised Martian is going to kill the annoying secretary, but it just takes so long to get there. Also, how stupid was he? During a time when hostile Martians are out there after killing numerous people, he picks up a random prostitute he meets outside the white house who's dressed like a B movie sci-fi queen with huge hair that could easily hide the martians big heads, who doesn't talk and has a blanker look on her face than any of Keanu Reeves' emotions, and actually brings her into the white house. He deserved to die!

Also, the complete cast is HUGE, I count at least 25 cast members in this film. The main problem with this is that it doesn't give any time for the characters to become developed and actually seem like characters, rather than one dimensional gimmicks (The president, the tycoon, the ex-boxer, Tom Jones). A number of characters only appear for a few scenes, like Natalie Portman. She plays the President's daughter, and she appears in a few scenes early on, then doesn't appear again until the films end, having no scenes with her on-screen father. There's also a number of characters who seem like they're in the film just to let the actor be in the film. Case examples are Danny DeVito's gambler character, Martin Short's Prostitute loving White House Press Secretary, Michael J Fox's News Anchor and Jack Nicholson's second role, the Las Vegas real estate developer.

I will say though, the Martians are brilliant. They're designed brilliantly, are brilliant adversaries and are quite funny. One example is how a Martian chucks in what seems to be a grenade, but in actuality, is a snow globe. The Martians are this films sole saving grace.

Mars Attacks! tries to be a parody of the numerous terrible B movies which filled cinema screens in the '50s, but ultimately becomes as bad as the films it tries to parody.