Review of Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis (2005) by Larry G — 01 Nov 2009

Halloween is over and the scares are done for the year, and what am I left with to haunt me? A festering pile of zombie droppings called Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis. I rented this piece of ass so I might as well just watch it anyway. It's my cross to bear.

I mean, this is just...incredibly bad. It's not even good enough to fall into the "so bad it's good" trap; it's just...bad. It's like a movie written by twelve year olds. Witness the incredibly low quality of the acting, which falls just short of comical, or the shoddy editing, or the wimpy zombies (there's one scene where they randomly come out of the ceiling and fucking DOG PILE on this slutty girl and a security guard...yes, they dog pile them) or the incredibly dumb plot. I'm sorry, what? A kid injures his head on a bike and is kidnapped by the government for an experiment, and his friends hack into a government computer database to find out that he's been kidnapped, and put together a pseudo-SWAT team with guns and armor and all to break in and get him back, all within what, less than a day? And the hottest girl you've ever seen in your life is friends with them, and also works at the government building, and is able to get them in? And the main character's uncle is a scientist there? That is too much to swallow in one sitting, movie. Too much.

Did I mention that the kid's parents were thought dead, but are really...no. No, you know what? I'm not even going to elaborate any more on why this sucks. It's garbage; it's pure garbage from head to toe. The only way I can possibly recommend this is if you're looking for an example of humankind's greatest misery.