Review of Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005) by Luis T — 01 Oct 2017

I just rewatched Revenge of the Sith last night. And I gotta tell you: I can't recall the last time I got a headache from watching a movie. I'm going to put it mildly.

1. Horrendous writing: Anakin is so poorly written that I'm baffled people say he's a good character. Palpatine's kidnapping plot makes no sense! Anakin's turn to the dark side is way too quick! The public buying Palpatine saying the Jedi are evil is just head banging! The fight between Anakin and Obi-Wan is horribly realized.

2. Horrible dialogue: Do I even need to say anything? Every line is just a little bit of cringe up my spine.

3. Characters feel like filler: the whole time the characters feel like they have nothing to do or do something that contributes absolutely nothing. Obi-Wan fights Grievous. Why? To end The Clone Wars. Does that contribute anything to Anakin's turn? Nope. Padme is pregnant. Anything else? Nope!

4. I was constantly asking questions about character decisions. They made about as much sense as casting MATTHEW BRODERICK AS INSPECTOR GADGET!!!!!!!!!! I mean I actually got a headache from how the idiocy of the characters' decisions.

5. Too much crappy CGI! I mean crappy. I swear every shot looked it came out of the Clone Wars show. It's AWFUL!!

6. They make lightsabers mean nothing! Crap! I remember when lightsabers were such a cool thing in the OT and now it's like I'm watching a bucket of paint! Great job movie. Lightsabers are now a bucket of paint to me!

7. The acting from pretty much everyone is awful! (except Ewan McGregor, Ian McDiarmid, and Christopher Lee ( who's only in the movie for 3 minutes tops)) Hayden Christiansen had no idea what material he was given. Natalie Portman felt like she was phoning it in. Sam Jackson is wasted! Even Frank Oz as Yoda felt out of place. Not that I blame them. (I blame the direction they were given. Looking at you, Mr. Lucas.).

8. It feels like there's a great movie in there but it gets so bogged down by everything else that the emotional weight never feels realized on screen.

Man oh man. I didn't realize until last night how truly bad of a film Revenge of the Sith was. The characters' decisions are frustratingly stupid. The characters themselves are either bland or have no purpose (with the exception of Palpatine). The writing is all over the place with tons of filler nobody ever needed! The CGI is overused and atrocious. The cinematography is great at some points but horrible at other points. The editing is pretty good. I do like how Padme's pregnancy and Anakin's transformation into Darth Vader is intercut together. So that's something. The fight between Anakin and Obi-Wan is so long I wanted to fall asleep. Don't even get me started on the betrayals to the original trilogy. My goodness!!! People defend this movie and after watching it again, it is a truly awful movie. I can't believe that this is the prequel fanboys defend. It's baffling to me. If you love the movie, please watch it again. I'm serious. You cannot defend a movie this poor! THIS POOR!!!! The only good outcome is that it makes me give me more respect for the original trilogy and appreciate that we have Star Wars material like The Force Awakens, The Clone Wars show, etc. to cover for the huge steaming pile of dog crap that is Revenge of the Sith and the entire Star Wars prequel trilogy. After all the pressuring of watching Revenge of the Sith again just made me hate it!

In the end, this movie was painful. I'm truly baffled that this is the film people will defend. This is nothing but dog crap that deserves a 1.75/5. Oh by the way after watching this "film", my rankings for the prequels now go like this:

1. The Phantom Menace (2/5).

2. Revenge of the Sith (1.75/5.

3. Attack of the clones (0/5).

Yep. That's right. I actually like The Phantom Menace a bit more because while Revenge of the Sith has more potential for a good story, I think the filmmaking in The Phantom Menace makes episode 3 look like a joke. It feels like they were actually trying to make a good movie, but Lucas just had too many yes men. The CGI, while dated now, for its time looked pretty good. It looks bad now, but at least it doesn't feel like a cartoon. Also it's a film so bad I'll go to sleep. So at least I'll get a good night's rest. Revenge of the Sith is a film so bad I'll get a headache. Man "Revenge of the Sith is the watchable prequel". About as watchable as a person kicking you in the private area 2500 times with a steel boot. Ugh. I don't want to think about this movie anymore. It's just horrible. Absolutely horrendous. Ugh!