Review of The Magnificent Seven (2016) by Trunkis — 26 Sep 2016

Had this been a new western, rather than a remake of an awesome remake of a classic, I'd give it a 3.

I loved the original remake & thought the new trailer was great, so admittedly went in with high expectations, especially with Denzel Washington playing the legendary Yul Brenner.

The beginning is horrible and the first hour is plain bad. The first action scene as seen in the trailer, is such a letdown, with no rhyme, reason or continuity. They throw in some corny bones of the original remake, including a few verbatim lines.

Denzel was okay, but far from his best work. Vincent D'Onofrio is mildly amusing, very entertaining & quite likable as Jack Horne. Byung-hun Lee rocks as Billy Rocks and I would liked to have seen & heard more of/from him. Martin Sensmeier as Red Harvest was awesome but an important fight scene with him near the end, fell short & flat. The best actor/character in the film is Haley Bennett as the heroine, Emma Cullen! Funny thing is, the very best part of the film is her narration at the very end. I think it was the only time I smiled during the boringly long film which could have been done just as poorly in 90 minutes.

Someone in the discussion boards talks about the painful PC diversity, and I would normally agree, but in this case, it actually worked and made a terrible film, a little more interesting. The commenter quips that only a little person was missing, but there actually is one and chose him to mock on several occasions. I guess little people aren't high on the SJW's list of victim class.

I had to see it but would much rather have seen The Hateful Eight again instead and even went back and gave that movie an extra star. The Magnificent Seven needed the Tarantino touch and some blood. For all the killing, I don't remember seeing a drop, though maybe I just blinked through them. Then again, They can get a pass because there wasn't much blood used in old time westerns and they probably saved millions on spectacular special effects, or the lack thereof.

This movie is SO bad, that I did something I never do at the movies, got up & went to the bathroom to be comfortable in my boredom, without even asking my friend what I missed, because I didn't care. I didn't really bond with the characters, except my concern for the horses, imagining as I always do in movies, the suffering these poor creatures went through during times of war & battle.

This expensive movie will make money on the back of the original remake, and I'm sure they paid a fortune for the right to butcher it. I'd really like to know exactly what they did pay for the rights.

I recommend you wait until it's on cable and have 2+ hours to waste.