Review of Transylmania (2009) by Mark P — 11 May 2010

Whenever certain kinds of films get too popular these days there is sure enough going to be a film made that lampoons them in some fashion. Vampires have make a comeback in recent years, and have brought in millions at the box-office with films like the Twilight series (a series that I despise). The remnants of the once great National Lampoon franchise have been reduced to primarily straight to video releases, like the Dorm Daze series. Transylmania is apparently the third film in this series, and the first to be released theatrically. I haven't seen the previous two films, but I imagine that based on what Transylmania has to offer the two films are probably worth missing.

Transylmania is about a group of American students who are college bound, and have selected Razvan University as their school of study. Other than the fact that the school is in Transylvania and that apparently is the only place where vampires live, there is no real explanation on why these students would pick such a remote location to continue their education. I knew from the introduction of these characters in the opening moments, where one prematurely ejaculates during bad role-playing sex and another smashes their genitals in their lap top, that these weren't bright people. But I couldn't help but question exactly what these students were hoping to learn from a college like this.

I mentioned the premature ejaculation and the smashed genitals to highlight the sort of humor that Transylmania has to offer. I'm not sure why film-makers think that gross-out and slapstick humor still works, especially on this level. Now a film like There's Something About Mary was able to find a good use for them, but something like Transylmania just goes overboard with it and/or uses it in a fashion that feels desperate for laughs. Take for instance the gag that rips off Young Frankenstein. Remember when Frau Blucher's name was spoken and horses would start whinnying? Well the same sort of joke is in this film, but instead the horses pass gas. Yes, flatulence folks! It still finds its way into bad comedies.

There is actually one saving grace when it comes to this film. There are a lot of terrible movies out there that tend to have one actor among the cast who really comes to life in the film and makes the experience a little less painful to get through. B-grade movie queen Musetta Vander, who is someone that I love and respect, is wonderfully absurd as one of Razvan University's professors who also moonlights as a vampire hunter. The movie is supposed to be a spoof of modern vampire movies, but for some reason Vander is the only one in the film who seems to understand that. I loved her in the film.

When Transylmania first hit theaters the marketing for the film seemed geared towards female audiences (who flocked to the Twilight films) with its poster featuring a toned shirtless guy. I guess since that didn't work and the movie tanked at the box office, the movie is now being marketed toward a male audience with its DVD release that features a sexy female in a tank top this time. The two conflicting poster arts are a perfect fit for the sort of film that Transylmania is, a film that has no idea exactly what it is trying to be and who in the hell it was made for.