Review of Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017) by Grant S — 24 Aug 2018

Incredibly weak, for many reasons.

Set in the distant future, Valerian and Laureline are government agents on a mission to retrieve a special object. This turns into something much bigger than was first assumed, something that will determine the fate of worlds.

Well, that's about as much as I could fathom about the plot. It is very jumbled and incomprehensible from the start, and doesn't get better or more coherent. The conclusion then throws in some idealistic, superficial, preachy morality, just to keep the SJWs happy. It all just seems so lacking in substance and is just a random walk that's an excuse for CGI and action scenes.

Not that the CGI is that great anyway. It's good in spells, but some scenes are very poorly done.

Then we have Dane DeHaan who is incredibly badly miscast as Valerian. Valerian is a senior field officer in the organisation he works for and the action-hero of the movie. Yet he looks like a kid and sounds like Keanu Reeves in a Bill and Ted movie. I kept thinking of Valerian as a stoner-slacker, rather than a hero.

Cara Delevingne isn't bad as Laureline, and thankfully gets more screentime and impact on the plot than her second billing would suggest. She has far better screen presence than DeHaan and is more convincing too.

Pretty much a common-or-garden sci fi / fantasy movie, done even worse than normal.